It’s that point of the year again. The point where an entire nation has been flipped completely upside down. The point where you must come to the realization that everything you were certain about that can never ever happen has happened and there’s no amount of protesting or shield burning you can do that can be done to go back in time to undo what has been done. Of course, I’m referring to the national football league or NFL for close personal friends. We’re halfway through the season and there’s some hardware to hand out. I wish I could hand out an award to everyone who participated on their respective teams but I’m thinking if I leave them off the podium that it might motivate them to try harder for the rest of the year. Crazy idea I know, maybe it works out.
The “What Would You Say YA Do Here” Award – the player who’s found a nice spot on the field to hide from their boss. – Jared Goff
Not many guys can say that they could get a team to trade multiple draft picks and pay them number 1 pick money because they in fact drafted them number 1 overall, only to not have any recorded stats due to not being able to beat out heavy weights such as Case Keenum and a guy named Manion. Very Matt Flynn of you, which is one of the greatest compliments that could be bestowed on someone. Take no shame that you’re Jeff Fisher’s reason why he’ll get another year in St. Louis just so he can show you how to go 8-8 with a sophomore QB. Take no shame at all
The “We’re Talking About Practice” Award – the player who has proved that practice is for people without self-confidence – Joey Bosa
Who needs practice? Not Joey Bosa. The guy gets drafted 3rd overall in the draft, fights the team that drafts him asking for his money now, decides he’s not going to show up for work and misses training camp, eventually shows up to work only to get hurt on the job, shows up at week 5 and goes ahead and records 4 sacks. They say practice makes perfect but I’m sure when that saying was made they didn’t ask Joey Bosa his feelings on the matter.
The Montreal Screw Job Award – the player who got paid to do a job and then took it upon themselves to spit in their employer’s face – Ryan Fitzpatrick
Who needs practice? Ryan Fitzpatrick that’s who. He needs a lot of it. Guy had no problem trying to laugh people to death for demanding 18 million dollars from teams so he goes and says “fine I guess so” and takes the Jets 12-million-dollar offer. Goes out there and tries to set the single game record for most interceptions in a game while coasting to the top of the leader board in most passes caught by the enemy.
The Thomas Edison Award – the player/team with best invention of the season – Oakland Raiders
Not to surprised Tom was living during the infancy of American football. Smart guy like Tom knows when it’s time be alive although, being the go to guy to bail the league out of trouble with a science type answer when they accuse top players of deflating actual pigskins must’ve been frustrating work. In fact, it must have been downright irritating to come up with a reason why men only lived to 46 that wasn’t a result of CTE. But Tom would have been proud to see the Raiders discover a new way to win games. And that’s to commit as many penalties as possible. 23 to be exact. The number 23 has a prominent spot in the brains of sports fans. Now when people think of it they’ll be blinded by silver and black.
The “Not On The Rug…..Man” Award – the player who was jerkiest jerk just to be a jerk- Travis Kelce
When you get flagged for arguing a pass interference call, one of the ways to have the referee go back and say “you know, I was wrong, you were right, thanks for clearing this up for me and yes, I’ll pick up the flag” is not by throwing your towel (which is odd to have had since you were wearing gloves) at that ref. It would be cool if you could throw flags on the refs if they screw up. But that’s an invention that hasn’t been invented yet. So, in the meantime, maybe when you don’t get your way, try not acting like you just found a stranger in the Alps and instead Abide, Dude.
The “They Were Who We Thought They Were” Award – the team that shouldn’t of surprised anyone with how they’re doing – Jacksonville Jaguars
Jaguars are going to Jaguar. I’m sure the late Dennis Green would agree with this.
The Carmen San Diego Award – For the player who literally could be on any of the 32 teams in the league at this exact moment – Knile Davis
If starting on one team, then getting fake traded to Green Bay, getting released, then getting picked up by the Jets only to get released immediately, then get picked by the team that first team that released you all within a month is euphoric then consider Knile Davis legally brain dead. If it means anything to Knile, he has a decent chance of making an NFL version of Johnny Cash’s; I’ve been everywhere. Not sure if that if that’s a good thing or a bad thing, but it’s definitely a thing. So, he has that.
The “I’m Getting Too Old For This Shit” Award – For the player who’s getting too old for this shit – Reggie Bush
Great chance you didn’t have any idea that one of the guys who put Kim Kardashian on the map was still touting the rock occasionally for Buffalo Bills. Well he is. And I don’t like to be the guy who says someone should give up what they love to do, but it’s time to hang them up before your new partner team gets you killed.
The KC Jones Award – For the player who watched you from afar then just dropped in out of nowhere to save your ass – Jay Ajayi
Nothing like getting told you can’t go to Europe with the rest of your team because you’re crying to hard that you got benched for a Kenyan to motivate you. But if that’s what it takes then every team should try it. Ajayi put together back to back 200 yard games to put his name alongside others like OJ Simpson and Ricky Williams, you know, a couple of straight arrows. Then he followed that up with a 100-yard game against the league’s best run defense. I have to think that Jay is more of a team guy then a Me guy for not being the only ever player with 3 straight 200 yard games. Now if he starts to crush people in garbage trucks then you’ll surely know he belongs with the likes of his other 200-yard game brethren.
The “King Kong Ain’t Got Shit On Me” Award – For the player who’s untouchable and can’t be stopped and knows all this – Tom Brady
The league tried to derail the Patriots by having their front man sit out a few weeks with tampering with equipment, something the league does every day when they delete evidence, but the rest the band played on. And when Brady got back he was ready to rock. He only has 12 TDs and is third in the league in yards per game in only 4 games but he’s already a frontrunner for MVP. And is has 4 super bowls. And is married to a super model. Not the worst life going.