Blog update as of 5/30/17, we discussed this blog on our podcast:
How much would it cost for you to suck Shaq’s toes? Anyone who has been on the internet today has most likely seen Shaq’s disgusting foot. If you missed it, the video has been included below.
Upon seeing Shaq’s feet, I first gagged, then I got sick to my stomach. Finally, I thought, “if someone ever had to suck Shaq’s big toe, that would be the worst punishment in the world.” Honestly, it may be a punishment worse than death.
So, I did what every self respecting guy would do at this point. I threw it out to a group text. If you don’t have a group text with your buddies, you’re not living right. Frankly, I don’t know how you function in 2017 without the group text life. Below is the hilarity that took place.
That Group Text Life Presents: Shaq’s Toes
Producer Cavi: How much would you need to be paid to suck Shaq’s big toe?
(Insert picture of Shaq’s mutilated foot)
Tommy PAS: Yikes!
Spaglia the Realtor: That can’t be real.
Tommy PAS: No, it is. He was showing it during the game last night. Chuck said it looked like he had a scoop of mashed potatoes at the end of each toe.
Pete the Lawyer: Gross.
Tommy PAS: His nails are gross.
Spaglia the Realtor: How long would we have to suck the toe for?
Producer Cavi: For the sake of argument, let’s go with a 10 second suck.
Pete the Lawyer: … After he just finished playing a basketball game.
Spaglia the Realtor: Oh, dear god.
Eddie the PAS: But, are you allowed to use condiments? Is hot sauce allowed?
Pete the Lawyer: Yes… mayo, obviously.
Spaglia the Realtor: Come on, Pete.
Pete the Lawyer: I don’t know if I could do it. Even for $10k a second. But, $100k a second, I probably wouldn’t even hesitate.
Tommy PAS: It’s easy to say you would turn down $10k a second for 10 seconds, until you see $100k in cash sitting on a table infront of you. I’m 100% sure all of you would be sucking Shaq’s toes.
Pete the Lawyer: I I wasn’t thinking about seeing the money on the table. I was thinking I’d just get a Venmo payment. Actually seeing the money is whole different ball game.
Eddie the PAS: I agree, for $10k a second I’d chomp Shaq’s toes for an hour. But, it would probably get weird after about 20 seconds.
Pete the Lawyer: Yes, THAT’S when it would start being weird…. You know what’s even worse about it? Because his toe is crooked, you’d have to go in from the side and all of his other toes would rub against your face. I’m sure you’d get scratches on your cheek from his toenails. Then, you’d have to explain to people what happened.
Maher Razzball: I would do it just for the story.
Personal Trainer Frank: I already did it for free.
Irv Dottie: I don’t if you could even put a price on that for me to be honest.
Kenny Graces Downfall: Yeah, there’s no amount of money on Earth.
Producer Cavi: Everything and everyone has a price.
Former Syracuse Basketball Player: Yes, Agreed. But, I’d have to figure out my exact current net debt and have some left over to bank a decent amount.
So, there you have it. I believe the general consensus is that it would take around $100,000 – $350,000 for anyone in my inner circle to put the monstrosities that are Shaq’s toes into their mouth.